Sometimes I sit back and wonder exactly why I started this blog. With all the food and recipe blogs out there, what made me, a busy 21-year-old wife, mother, and college student, decide to join the ranks? I have felt inadequate at times, wondering why anyone would make a recipe that I created. In frustration, I have thought about shutting down this blog altogether. My readership is small, and I have often felt that the effort I put in just isn't worth it. I guess it wasn't until I took a step back and looked at what this blog meant to me, that I decided it was important.
My journey with food has been a bit of a roller coaster. I started out as picky child. I had foods that I loved, but I had way more foods that I hated. From here I progressed into a bashful pre-teen, a stage not realized by most people. I started to hate eating in front of people, especially boys. I then fell into a death spiral, coming out the other end as a teenager, with a full blown eating disorder. I developed a hate towards food. Nothing about it was enjoyable or satisfying. It took years, tears, friends, family, and God for me to be okay with food again. It took more time, trials, and cooking to get me to actually enjoy the food.
I believe that cooking has been, and still is, a big part of my recovery. Other things got me to a stable place concerning food, but cooking has led me to where I can actually have fun with it. I get to experiment and create. Cooking helps me to relax. It helps me to focus on the good side of food, instead of living in the negative. With cooking, I am able to design foods to be the way I want them. Sometimes that might mean extremely health conscious, other times that might be full of chocolate. Either way, I decide. I get to rule over food, instead of it ruling over me.
Sometimes I feel like my transition was a little strange. From food hater to Foodie. I guess the best way to think of it is, that I'm turning weaknesses into strengths. Taking something that I struggle with, and molding it into something productive. This blog a symbol of how far I've come. A constant reminder that food can be enjoyable. It really doesn't matter if no one else makes the recipes. I make them, and it helps me be a better version of myself. So, I will keep this blog going, despite the low amount of readers, the effort it takes, and the feelings of inadequacy, because this blog is important, to me.
